Grief is a tricky thing. It can wreak havoc on your
emotions, especially in the first year following the death of a child. A parent can think that progress in healing is finally being made, and then something as unexpected as a song comes on the radio, and the words trigger feelings of grief as strong as if the loss took place yesterday.
After all of the 'firsts' are in the past, the path to healing seems a bit more even for a while. Setbacks don't come nearly as often as in the first year, and rarely are the grief feelings as raw and intense as
during the first months following the death of a child. Most parents work their way through the sad emotions of loss to a place where they can finally recall fond memories of times spent with their child. They can talk about their child without crying, and there is an overall feeling of peace rather than the gnawing feeling of never being at
rest. Grief can be quite deceitful, though, and show up
many years after a loss leaving one feeling like healing never took place.
Rather than be alarmed if grief returns, remind yourself often that grief's visit is only a momentary appearance. Just as we go through seasons in our lives, grief will visit each of those seasons to let us know that the loss of a child has left its mark on the heart. An especially sensitive time is when a parent enters what we so often call the 'empty nest.' Grief can return as a bold reminder of what was so cruelly and unfairly taken away. A parent's emotions can become very disturbed during this sad reminder of loss once again.
When grief returns, remind yourself often that this is a normal part of the overall healing process. The pain associated with child loss never totally goes away, so it is quite normal for certain times in our life to bring grief emotions to the forefront once again. Remember that this return of grief will not last forever. Take good care of yourself physically. Eat well-balanced meals. Rest. Keep yourself well hydrated. Talk to your doctor or a friend if you feel like you might be entering a phase of depression. Depression is something that can be treated early, and is nothing to try to hide. Lastly, find some support for this difficult time in your life. Even though your loss might have occurred 20 years ago, if you feel overwhelmed with sadness and grief, it is most important that you find someone who will listen and lend you support.
Remind yourself often that grief is something that
cannot be ignored. Grief can be masked for a while, but eventually it makes its presence known. It is something that requires hard work and attention. A parent's grief is a natural reaction to an abnormal event. Grief is not an illness, but rather is a time of readjustment to a reality of living with loss. Parents who lose a child do not stop grieving. The pain will vary in intensity at different times in a parent's life, but the process is life long. When grief returns, remember to be kind to yourself and allow yourself the time you need to once again work through your feelings.

I love each of you dearly, and pray for you daily, Melissa
http://blakemoore.memory-of.com

Dear Lord;

Today I lift up my friends who are grieving. Give them strength when they feel weak; and when they feel alone in the long chilly night, surround then with a warm blanket of your love and their good memories. Like armor, may this prayer protect them from all harm. May the wind blow their burdens away little by little, so that they experience the freedom of joy once more. I am confident that just one solitary prayer will make a difference in their lives and in mine. Amen

When hope seems lost, the storm clouds rise,
And tears fall like the tempest's rain.
Just listen on the thrashing wind
For angels might just call your name.
The storms will make your spirit strong,
Even when you're bruised and on your knees,
For after every storm you face
It's followed by a gentle breeze.
We think that hope has died it's death,
And solitude no solace sings,
But throw those windows open wide,
The bright new dawn, hope now brings.
The gentle voice of new found friends,
Can make your soul soar like a lark,
Just walk towards that new born day
Slam the door on solitudes dark.
We'll laugh one day at times then past,
And wipe away a memory tear,
Remember there is nothing worse,
Than to be consumed by useless fear.
Now as I sit with pen in hand,
A new sun rises in the west,
My hopes and love go out to you,
My new found friends with whom I'm blessed.

The Gift of Someone Who Listen

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek

I will listen, not tell you how to grieve. Just e-mail me and I will answer.

You are in my thoughts, heart, and prayers. Melissa

The Willow by carol for Clifford

In the garden of trees stands a willow,
a willow that weeps through the years,
named aptly for heartache and sorrow, each leaf represents one more tear.
With grace those leaves blow on a soft wind,
to remind of our child gone away;
yet it reaches its branches toward Heaven,
with the promise we'll see them someday.
It stands in the midst of the storm tossed winds,
a tree with quiet beauty and grace,
like our hearts it survives through the worst of it all,
and will 'til we see our child's face.
In the garden of trees stands a willow tree,
a willow that weeps through the years;
just like our child, it's in God's hands,
and like us, sheds countless tears.